“If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them.” – George Orwell

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One Day in the Life of Vivian Datherapist 6/26 2025 

June 22, 2025 was a very hot and humid day, the kind where you need to be indoors with AC Slater. The title of this article comes from the short novel One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by the Russian author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. First published in 1962, the book tells the story of a day in the life of a man living in a Soviet labor camp, an innocent “prisoner of war” from World War II. I will never understand nor do I honestly ever want to understand why people join forces to make weapons of mass destruction, wage war upon nations and exterminate people based on their race, tribe, religion, whatever. I will never “get it”, and I will always feel like mass killing is unbelievable. Armenia, Bangladesh, Bosnia, Cambodia, Croatia, Gaza, the Holocaust, Myanmar, Sudan…I can’t imagine, read or talk about it because all I can think is: How the fuck does this happen???!!! How could people do this?! It’s unspeakable, because it’s horrific and there are no words that will do anything to change it.

I read Solzhenitsyn’s book in highschool I think, when I was still obsessed with reading books. I stopped reading novels and non-fiction books after doing my first master’s degree. I’ll never forget the garbage bag filled to the brim with all the required readings (journal articles and such) that I had printed for school. I was living in a dorm room in England at the time, so I had to throw everything out when moving back to Canada. I was happy to be done with academic reading. Since then, recreational reading has been seemingly impossible. I wish I could enjoy books, but my poor vision and toddler attention span deter me from looking at the tiny font in the tiny paperback novels sitting on my coffee table –  Orwell (Down and Out in Paris and London) and Vonnegut (Slaughterhouse-Five). I better get an iPad pronto and read books at size 20 font with blue-tinted, multi-focal lensed glasses on. I’ll probably need a granny chain for the glasses too.

Today I wondered if being a therapist is the most interesting job one can have in Toronto that can meet the cost of living consistently. I cannot think of anyone in my current social circle that has a more interesting job than me. Being a doctor seems like it would be up there in terms of being interesting and life-sustaining, but only if you’re some kind of specialist. The general approach to patient care in medicine seems too detached and reductionist to be that interesting. There are the odd professional creatives I know distantly who are probably making bank, but I think most work for major corporations (places I probably couldn’t hack working at even if the work was interesting). Compared to most people, I would say I don’t get caught up in the comparison game too much. But I am jealous of people who can make a living off their art or have a life-long passion for doing work that pays well. It seems like only few can attain that in their lifetime. And I know they say “it’s never too late”, but honestly sometimes it is too late. 

In comparison to being an Ernest Hemingway or an Alanis Morissette, being a therapist is an attainable profession for a lot of people. As long as you have a lot of heart, sufficient smarts, a little wisdom, a bachelor’s degree, and the ability to finance at least $50,000 (CAD), you can become a psychotherapist in Ontario. I can’t say it’s easy. You do have to dedicate 2.5 years to a shit ton of learning, training, and constant evaluation of your skills and knowledge. You also have to withstand the psychological stress and financial demands of a masters degree in psychology. It’s not for everyone. It requires a lot of emotional stamina, daily complex analysis, daily self-reflection and mental compartmentalization. It’s a big commitment that shouldn’t be made unless one is sure it’s the ideal profession for them. It’s a good profession if you have a natural desire to support and treat people – anyone suffering from mental health problems. It’s particularly a good path for those with a boatload of life experiences which shaped a mind that is open, flexible, non-judgmental, metatheoretical and compassionate. If you are a scientist, philosopher, artist, and communicator by nature, you will like being a therapist. 

Today I faced the major stress of another’s life, at a time where I am feeling sad and frustrated about my current life. I probably sucked as a therapist today and spoke impatiently. But I didn’t worry about it after the session like I normally would. I knew I had already provided social work for this case that was far more valuable than being a great listener. Summer of 2025 for my clients (and myself) feels wrought with paranoia, anxiety, anger, overwhelm, and grief. Lack of joy, motivation, money, partner, and partner satisfaction are common issues. This is all set to the background of bipolar weather, tyranny and wars. All coped with through desensitization, drugs, dissociation, doomscrolling, and depression slumbers.

Almost 2 years in and I am still absorbing and internalizing too much of my clients’ emotions. Mostly it’s fun and cool and I’m super grateful to be in my position, but it can be exhausting to empathize when multiple clients are experiencing multiple crises at the same time. It’s hard enough for me to hold all the mind-blowing, juicy stories inside. When you’re trying to help solve people’s urgent clusterfucks, you take on their stress. I must find a way to shield myself from the stressful energy that may periodically be bombarded at me. I don’t know how I can do this while also being genuinely empathetic. I recently tried to have a life outside my job and doing so made it so much harder to make appointments on time or be focused during sessions. It will probably take a lot more time before I find a healthy work-life balance. I am so grateful my clients are quite understanding of my absentmindedness, forgetfulness, tardiness, NO-SHOWS and virtual session distractions (clingy cat and senile dog).

To anyone out there reading this feeling like life is meaningless, hopeless, stressful AF, stuck in a shitty place, boring when sober – you are not alone. We’re all in this misery together, so don’t even worry about FOMO. My general mental health advice to people today would be: when you’re sad, listen to music that makes you move. It could be EDM, 80’s pop, Taylor Swift (if you must), dancehall, hip-hop. Whatever you like. And also, sing or rap to the music. LOUD. If dancing feels awkward, just bob that head hard to some punk rawk. Jump up and down. Sway back and forth. It feels great if you just let loose because you lose your mind in these moments. Meaning you let go of the constant annoying narratives and sad monologues playing in your stupid head. You surrender to the spontaneous energy in your body, activated by the speed of sounds.

One last piece of unsolicited advice: if you happen to have a friend who plays synthesizers, ask them to send you something good they recorded on said synthesizers. I say this because a former classmate, a music teacher and therapist Carolyn made my sad day today. She surprised me with an email containing a magical attachment – an audio recording of her playing sick synth sounds. It may sound random to be surprised by a synthesizer email without context. But it’s actually so exciting and not random because she recorded synths for a musical track I had produced and shared with her weeks ago. Which brings me to a final, final suggestion to fight the scaries, loneliness and blues: collaborate creatively with others if it’s feasible, because it can be a lot of fun under the right conditions.

YOLO & WORLD PEACE ✌️☮️

Why ADHD is a Blessing and a Curse 4/20 2025

Nho, V. (2024). Feels like I’m rushing slow [digital collage].

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“It was ADHD…” – Paris Hilton

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By the way, ADHD is a very real mental illness. Although there has clearly been a lot of advancement in awareness, many are misinformed or uneducated about ADHD.  There is evidence of ADHD being medically documented in 1775, during the Age of Enlightenment.[1] Unfortunately, we are in a historical Interlude of Idiocracy. Now I can’t take credit for the term Idiocracy (it’s a dystopian comedy film) but I call it an “interlude” to be optimistic about mass ignorance being a temporary phase. Anyways, I take qualm with the notion that ADHD (or autism for that matter) are “trendy”. They shouldn’t be. Why? Because of the serious health and life consequences associated with ADHD.

I hope to help readers feel better informed and prepared to deal with the disorders of their fascinating and frustrating brains. I make the assumption here that most people with ADHD have other mental health disorders. A recent review of 32 research studies found that up to 80% of people with ADHD also have: 1) substance use disorders; 2) mood disorders; 3) anxiety disorders; and 4) personality disorders (listed in order of prevalence).^[2]

But before I lose your attention, let’s talk about:

Why You Are Blessed (Badass)

• You are likely hilarious, talented, creative, intelligent and eloquent. This makes you stand apart from the crowd and beloved by many.

• You are naturally curious and have a lot of interests and inspiring role models. This can help stave off loneliness and depression that occurs when one has no interests.

• You know how to have fun and are willing to take risks. This gives you opportunities to experience pleasure to the highest, earthly degree.

• Your ability to think outside the box coupled with your willingness to take risks means you are capable of achieving a lot, more than the norm.

Unfortunately, there’s a “but”. Yes, you are a shining, shooting star. But you are also plagued by challenges that sometimes (ok often) make you feel cursed. To be clear, I am not saying you are actually cursed in any witchy way (no offense to all the wicked cool witches out there). But in the spirit of creating and reframing perspectives, let’s refer to the curses as the “very real CONSequences” that come with having a neurodivergent brain.

The Very Real CONSequences

• You get depressed or anxious easily because levels of motivation and confidence wax and wane A LOT. This will cause you to have poor self-esteem and self-worth, even when you are crushing many aspects of your life. You might also anger or blurt out/tune out/interrupt easily. You feel regret/ashamed/guilty/embarrassed about your emotional reactivity, oversharing, anger and mood swings.
• Your mood and energy instability also make you vulnerable to self-medicating with substances which can lead to abuse, dependency and addiction. In my case, cannabis was incredibly addictive and effective in treating depression, anxiety, stress, and social anxiety. If you are young, be beware that the consequences of daily cannabis become apparent and concerning after long-term use, in my case more than a decade. Neuroscientific research is showing that people with ADHD are also likely to self-medicate with nicotine and/or caffeine because they alleviate ADHD symptoms through their effects on dopaminergic and/or serotonergic systems, as well as norepinephrine. _[3] You are also vulnerable to alcohol use disorder (AUD); one study found that up to 43% of people with ADHD had AUD. _[4] *Trigger warning*: especially if you have major health and/or existential anxiety. ADHD has implications for mortality. A review of eight studies found that people with ADHD were twice as likely to die prematurely._[5] A recent cohort study in the U.K. found that life expectancy for people with ADHD was reduced by 6.78 years for males, and 8.64 years for females._[6]
• Dopamine-seeking impulsivity makes you do things for instant gratification. Unchecked, this could make you unintentionally pretty selfish or self-centered. Compulsive behaviors can result in: isolation, poor decision-making, financial stress/insecurity, loss of jobs/relationships/academic statuses, major risks to health/life.

Pestering or Painful Personality-Related Problems

• Your aversion to boring tasks can make you bad at daily life (daily human maintenance). It can cause you to procrastinate to the point of needing to be extremely stressed and pressured in order to do something that needs to be done. Formal education can be very challenging for some. 
• You can be extremely sensitive to rejection or criticism, resulting in a thin-skin and avoidance of relationships/challenges.
• Lack of patience and intolerance of boredom prevent you from having enriching experiences that are born out of discomfort and long-term thinking. You value traits like being talented, smart, interesting, and fun in others. These people seem rare, especially due to the current degree of alienation humanity is experiencing, so you will feel lonely. This feeling can be exacerbated by introversion, leading you to miss out on friendships with people who are very different from you. 
• If you are gifted and intelligent and/or lucky, you could develop a superiority complex or sometimes show a smidge of the ‘ssism –  narcissism. Luckily, your high sensitivity, empathy, and wavering self-esteem should keep that in check.

ADHD didn’t click until my late thirties, and it may never have clicked if my wonderful therapist figured it out in consultation with a psychiatrist whose name also started with a V, I think. My V name is Vivian, and in case you were wondering who I am, I am a Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying), visual artist, published author and audio engineer by trade. As a therapist, I treat a lot of adults with ADHD in my practice VIVID Psychotherapy, as well as at Radcliffe Psychotherapy Clinic, which specializes in ADHD, anxiety and anger. For more resources on ADHD, including accessible options for assessment and treatment, please do not hesitate to email me at vivian@vividpsychotherapy.com.

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References

1. Faraone, S., Banaschewski, T., Coghill, D., Zheng, Y., Biederman, J., Bellgrove, M. A., Newcorn, J. H., Gignac, M., Al Saud, N. M., Manor, I., Rohde, L. A., Yang, L., Cortese, S., Almagor, D., Stein, M. A., Albatti, T. H., Aljoudi, H. F., Alqahtani, M. M. J., Asherson, P., Atwoli, L.., & Wang, Y. (2021). The World Federation of ADHD International Consensus Statement: 208 Evidence-based conclusions about the disorder. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 128, 789–818. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2021.01.022
2. Choi, W.S, Woo, Y.S., Wang, S.M., Lim, H.K, & Bahk, W.M. (2022). The prevalence of psychiatric comorbidities in adult ADHD compared with non-ADHD populations: A systematic literature review. PLoS ONE 17(11): e0277175. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0277175
3. Taylor, M. R., Carrasco, K., Carrasco, A., & Basu, A. (2022). Tobacco and ADHD: A role of MAO-inhibition in nicotine dependence and alleviation of ADHD symptoms. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 16, 845646. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2022.845646
4. Luderer, M., Ramos Quiroga, J. A., Faraone, S. V., Zhang James, Y., & Reif, A. (2021). Alcohol use disorders and ADHD. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews, 128, 648–660. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2021.07.010
5. Rattay, K. & Robinson, L.R. (2024).  Identifying risk factors for Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD): a public health concern and opportunity. Prevention Science: The Official Journal of the Society for Prevention Research, 25(Suppl 2):195-202. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11121-024-01667-w
6. O’Nions, E., El Baou, C., John, A., Lewer, D., Mandy, W., McKechnie, D. G. J., & Stott, J. (2025). Life expectancy and years of life lost for adults with diagnosed ADHD in the UK: matched cohort study. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 1-8. https://doi.org/10.1192/bjp.2024.199